05 Chapter Two – Rationalization
The Fourth Sage Knows That
The desert mirrors the soggy fen Both contemporaneous the same Mystery and Evil aliken An old princess has crossed without shame Taking the curse with her to Hyrule While here but worlds apart they came
Behind doors that only the hinox’s big golden key could open, the exiles confronted what the cyclops siblings Baog and Vuam had argued about incessantly. Seething red and equipped with a ceramic faceplate, the King of the Dark Palace was just as the elder Aginah had warned, a reptilian demon of gargantuan proportions indeed! Similar to the fire-breathing helmasaur1 lizards found throughout the temple but so overgrown it could no longer fit through the doorway and was entirely dependent on the hinoxes and eyegores to provide live victims for it to feed on. Needless to say, this Helmasaur King2 was delighted for three perambulating meals to enter its domain on their own volition, and very hungry since the hinoxes had neglected to put dinner on the table as planned; their recipe scuppered. The exiles were not wholly unprepared however, as the second large chest in the dungeon contained a huge double-headed hammer suitable for a cyclops (no Triforce enclosed as Zelda enthusiastically speculated) that only Ganon could easily swing with one hand. After an initially frantic runaround with the salivating king, the three exiles took their positions in the life-or-death standoff. Link mostly bounded around in front and the back of the large square chamber, making distractions by waving his red cane up in the air, taunting and tantalizing the hungry beast. With the Helmasaur King sufficiently fixated on the succulent bunny, Ganon went to town on their foe’s armored face with his newfound maul that they realized must’ve been kept by the hinoxes for exactly this kind of situation: to subdue the beast if it ever got out of hand (as only the wizard could authorize, since the giant lizard was both boss and beloved pet to the cyclops siblings who served it endearingly). Zelda expectedly stood in the wings interchangeably calling the shots and taking shots with her bow; volunteering to shield against their enemy’s firebreath or spiked tail assaults when it was convenient to do so. In a brash maneuver of regrettable impatience, Ganon thought he could stuff a bomb in the king’s mouth as it inhaled to stoke its larynx furnace. But the otherwise languid and predictable creature reflexively chomped down with surprising speed, taking the boar’s left hand clean off. The only upside to it – the helmasaur’s jaw was already aglow with fire, effectively cauterizing Ganon’s bloody stub. And thankfully he had already hammered away most of its armored face and carapace, allowing Zelda to deliver the final blows to the demon’s exposed forehead with her arrows. The Terror of the Dark Palace crumbled apart in a series of popping explosions as the trapped energy that powered it was violently released. Harmonic vibrations of the king’s death throes rang their empty bottles which were the only lamentable casualties of the battle. Supposedly shatterproof and made with enchanted glass, their three jars given to them by the hermit Aginah resonated into pieces from the reptile’s roar. The exiles tended to their wounds and thoroughly inspected the chamber but did not find any revelatory clues; sadly no guarded treasures either. Almost overlooked, Zelda spotted a small black diamond in the shape of an elongated octahedron levitating at eye-level where the palace boss expired.
Was that inside the helmasaur? Link asked, stepping over their broken bottles.
I think so– be careful. she said, in awe of how the glass shards tinkled under it.
Do you think that’s the source of its evil3 power? he pointed to the crystal.
Maybe. Just then, the diamond began to rotate and increase in size, becoming transparent. A young woman stood upright and weightless inside the crystal.
Link, because of you, I’ve escaped from the clutches of the evil monsters. Thank you! said the maiden now in full stature, initially addressing the bunny whose fur matched her dress. The lady was unwarped and fully Hylian with a stupendous pink gown and fabulous green locks.
That hair… the ermine stepped up closer, I recognize her! she waved the magic mirror but the crystalized girl didn’t seem to respond; there was a latency and disassociated vibe.
Wait so, is she the lost old man’s granddaughter? asked the bunny, thinking of what Aginah told them they might find in the Dark Palace – regarding their three respective quests.
I saw her in the castle before. Zelda hushed Link, She seems to know who you are!
…This world was once the Golden Land4 where the Triforce was hidden. But because Ganon, the leader of the thieves, wished it, this world was transformed…
The ermine and bunny looked suspiciously at the busted up boar who was inspecting the locked chamber door that had automatically reopened after they defeated the Helmasaur King.
I’m sure he’s intending to conquer even our Light World after building his power here.
Link got the impression this girl was out of the loop, stuck in her faceted cell for too long.
The green-haired Hylian lassie explained, His hope is to use us maidens and the power of the sages that has been passed on to us as the key to open a larger gate between the worlds near Hyrule Castle. But the gate is not completely open yet…
Ganon cued in and was standing nonplussed off to the side.
The woman in the crystal continued without ever looking at Ganon, There is still time. Together, we seven maidens can break the barrier that protects Ganon’s hiding place.
The boar snorted, Hiding place?
Shhh! Zelda and Link were listening. We––I’m with you… said the ermine princess.
I can tell you where the other girls are held. I believe you will destroy Ganon. I will return to my original form at that time. Do you understand?
Not at all. said the bunny, disappointed that defeating all the evil in the Dark Palace yielded none of what Aginah alluded to: sword, granddaughter, great gold – all outstanding.
Yes––just say yes! said Zelda, overriding Link’s honesty.
May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.5 concluded the pink-gowned girl, as her crystalline medium rotated and shrunk down to the small black diamond Zelda initially spotted. The ermine took a thread from her pocket and tied a knot around the narrow axis of the now opaque octahedron, allowing her to wear the imprisoned soul of the maiden as a necklace.
Gathering their things and reclaiming as many arrows as possible, the boar and bunny agreed to hold onto the ermine princess as she spirited them all away to the entrance with her magical mirror given to her by the lost old man with the hope of finding his granddaughter.
Ki ki! I have a reason to talk to you! the mauve monkey Kiki ambushed the exiles by hanging upside down from the roof as they stepped out of the Dark Palace.
Sorry Kiki, no more rupees6 here Zelda waved, politely stepping away from Ganon who was still leaning on her from their teleportation huddle and using the lanky ermine as a crutch.
I’m sorry to hear that– ki ki! said the monkey tactlessly imitating how the ermine princess pitied his utmost love for money the evening before.
Very amusing. said Zelda, vaguely remembering that interaction in the labyrinth.
Ki ki! The old man paid me to tell you. Kiki gracefully tumbled to the ground.
Who, Aginah?
Ki!
Link’s ears perked, reminded of his small key.
He said his other brother might know how to return.
Other? the bunny frowned askance, giving the monkey sideways eyes.
Yes, to the south and west. For now, I will lead you out! said Kiki, proceeding into the temple’s plaza that brought them back into the labyrinth. The exiles followed their guide again until they reached that traumatic place where the hinoxes had initially set upon them at the northern end of the colonnade. Tip Kiki. the monkey cooly demanded.
I think Aginah already paid you. the bunny curled his lip.
Kiki held out his hands, For delivering a message. But showing the way out is my extra.
Zelda and Link looked at each other as she reached into her pocket, deciding to bonus the monkey regardless. Here’s twenty rupees for your assistance. she handed Kiki a red gem.
Twenty for a tip?! Was only ten for your service earlier… the bunny exclaimed.
Kik. the monkey shrugged.
It’s okay, Zelda was feeling generous, We found quite a few rupees in the palace.
Wide-eyed with suspicion that he was being lowballed, the mauve monkey took her tip and strutted past Ganon, slapping the boar’s thigh in passing. Bye bye! Kik ki ki!
Small quadruped pyrophoric dinosaurs bearing a bony green plate over their face. Found only in the Dark World, it is unclear if these monsters were once animals imported from Hyrule and warped into their reptilian form, or endemic to the Sacred Realm and consequently naturalized to the twisted Dark World.
The biggest helmasaur ever, overfed and kept in the Dark Palace by Baog and Vuam who claim their boss-qua-pet told them ‘No cooking on temple property'. Which is to say they attest the beast can speak, a specious claim even if it wasn’t asserted by a cyclops as helmasaurs never form words out in the wild. Hypothetically any ordinarily mute monster gains the faculty of loquacity after they are implanted with a crystal maiden that imparts her human soul. The king did not speak to the exiles, so remains unverified.
Lacking a soul. The dungeon demon bosses are by default evil as they all appropriate another’s soul. Whereas for men there are two kinds: lateral and vertical. Lateral evil outsources moral responsibility to those around oneself. Vertical evil appeals to false authority to abdicate one’s own moral responsibility.
Often mistaken as synonymous with the Sacred Realm, the Golden Land refers to the desert region where the Gerudo first found the Temple of Light. ‘Golden’ for its aureate geology and discovered relic. More confusing yet, this land was verdant in ancient times, but buried during the Great Cataclysm and forever changed by the upheaval. Some now believe the fabled Golden Land is actually located at the center of the contemporary kingdom suggesting that Hyrule Castle is built on top of the Temple of Light. Marginalized since the Interloper War, the Gerudo call their desert the Golden Land which has led many to believe it was always out there and always a desert. But it’s very possible this proud tribe is projecting their current climate onto an ancient past, thereby claiming it as their own as the Golden Land was their endemic homeland. And so lorists and historians speculate that the mysterious Gerudo Valley is in effect a ‘New Golden Land’ by name only. A place riddled by apocryphal symbolism and ancient appropriation.
Unbeknownst to any maidens and unsuspected by sages too, this blessing foretells the month of May.
The currency of Hyrule. Typically exchanged in green (⬢1), blue (⬢5), and red (⬢20) denominations.